What are you thinking? Doesn’t this sound a little strange? What could SciStress have to do with this “two for one deal”? Actually, part of the story is mentioned in Fred’s book on the neuroscience of stress management under the title “Career Block”.
Isabella wants help with her interviewing.
This young obviously very bright woman came for help with her interviewing for a better job. She felt stuck in her current position. She worked with headhunters and was set for a few interviews. When she came, she told us she felt unsure of herself. She didn’t feel ready for her interviews. Isabella had low self-confidence.
An old family story.
Most frequently those general feelings and attitudes about life have their root in earlier youth experiences. This is why I explain in my book the neuroscience of how our brain really works in easy to understand ways. When I ask Isabella when she had these feelings of not being sure about herself, she told me about her family history. She had an older sister who was the “intelligent one” in her parent’s mind. Isabella was about three years younger and happened to be very attractive. But in the family her smarts were never recognized.
She was probably just as smart as her sister. Isabella went to college and earned a business degree with a major in human resources. She took the best job she could get after graduation. But that job turned out to be more clerical and dead-end.
Early experiences shape our lives.
When I coached Isabella how she could best use the SciStress techniques, I told her to focus on her memories. She worked on her feelings when she was told as a young kid that she wasn’t that smart, only pretty. Then she worked to reduce the intensity of those memories. She began to smile and sat up straight. This is the natural effect when the emotional brain relaxes.
Now Isabella did more work on her early memories. Soon she felt confident she could handle the interviews well. I gave her some tips how to use the techniques right before she had the interviews. Then she would be at her best when it counts.
The better job right there.
Isabella, with her new confidence, thought she might as well talk to her own HR people too. They recommended that she talk openly to her boss. As it turned out, her boss was very interested in her career and supported her excitement, initiative and interest in doing more work related to a college degree. The result? The company found her an HR related job interviewing and mentoring incoming employees. She received a promotion and a raise. She found a better job right there without having to look for a new one elsewhere.
And now for the rest of the story.
Isabella came back a few days later to get some coaching on a social issue she was very uncomfortable with. It was about her boyfriend. His family was very wealthy, he was very attractive, a real jock who played football in high school. He drove her around in an expensive convertible. They went to lots of parties. But she wanted to get married and he showed no commitment whatsoever.
As Isabella worked on her frustrations about this boyfriend, her attitudes shifted. She suddenly realized that she felt dependent on him for her own self-confidence. She realized that he just used her in a way as an attractive prop for his social life. He clearly didn’t want a long-term relationship. She left the coaching session full of energy and with a new vision.
Six weeks later.
She didn’t come back for more coaching. Therefore, after about six weeks I checked with her on how she was doing. Here is the rest of the story! Her internal job interviews had come to fruition by that time. She had her new position. And, full of excitement, she told me she had a new boyfriend. Right after the last coaching session she had fired her old super stud boyfriend. Soon afterward she met a somewhat shy engineer. He was very smart but socially a little insecure. Even in this short time they fell very much in love together. And this young man was serious, he definitely wanted a life together with her. He definitely wanted to get married.
Life patterns can change.
When powerful memories in our emotional brain are defused, we are more open to positive changes in our lives. This is what happened here. A bright young woman defused her stigmatizing memories of being “pretty but not so smart”. Now she could look successfully for a better job and a better boyfriend.
You can find out easily how this works in our brain in the book “The Girl who couldn’t Laugh”. We make it fun to read about your brain. Hence the techniques in the second part of the book make it easy for you to do a lot of this work yourself. If you have questions or want coaching support, feel free to contact us anytime.
Get ready for new opportunities in life!
Warm regards, Fred & Judy
Fred George Sauer, MS, MS Eng., Chief Stress Coach, Performance & Productivity Specialist
Judith Lynch-Sauer, PhD, RN, Scientific Advisor, Clinical Professor of Psychiatric Mental Health Nursing
PS: Create a daily routine of managing stress. Check Appendix 2 of the book for quick help with stress.
Fritz George Sauer Founder of SciStress
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